if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Randomize
