last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize