I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
