I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
