i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
