there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
