If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
