i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
