Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
