Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
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