it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
