My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
