the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
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