Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize