I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
