Do you still have your period?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
