wakey wakey hands off snakey
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
