Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
