maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
So. Much. Porn.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
