new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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