please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize