Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
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There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
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I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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