drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
