There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
