And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
