im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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