So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
