I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
