I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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