I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
