Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
