Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Randomize