If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
