She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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