I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize