I saw his package. It spoke to me.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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