it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
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