You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
