But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
