I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
