with your own penis?
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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