You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
