Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
