Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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