If i could tip my vagina, i would.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
