I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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