some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
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