I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
