our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Holy sore nipples Batman
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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