just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
