Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
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What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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