I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
