i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
