Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
