we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize