i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
