Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
time to smoke my breakfast
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
