I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
