the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
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